Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Being Busy

There has been a flurry of activities lately, and not all of them good. I suppose it's always difficult to clear the mess of the old guard and to start afresh with the new. Nevertheless, I'm glad for this whole learning experience and I'm fairly confident that this project is something that will influence my "future" - whatever that is.

Recently, I have had a friend, let's call this person B, talk to me about 'losing' a friendship, and how that friend, let's call this person C, feel that B has been distant and how B does not seem to care anymore. B texts me, and tells me how in reality, the friendship, like a relationship doesn't seem to resonate anymore. B has been trying to remain cordial (like still greet in corridors and saying hi) despite personal feelings - since C also has done something that made B feel like their friendship wasn't what he thought it would be.

So all the cover-ups and politically correct excuses later, C finally confronts B and demands why B has been constantly "busy" and not been hanging out. At the back of my mind, something just didn't make sense.

I don't know if it is C's reluctance to take a hint, or simply due to innocent ignorance, but when someone says to you more than once that he/she is busy, it probably means he/she is too busy for you. I often take the "busy" excuse or hint, whichever way you look at it, a little more personally because it's a sign that this person no longer sees you as a priority. If they care, they would plan you into their schedule. It sounds perfectly clinical and businesslike - after all, why should our friendships/relationships be "planned"? Where's the spontaneity in that!

In reality, demands are competing and friendships take time and effort to build and maintain. Like the SIMS 3 game would inform us, too long a time without any form of communication does break down relationships.

Personally, I'm quite a diva when it comes to such things. That is, I prefer if people approach me to ask if I'm free, than the other way round. It just feels like I'm important to you and that I mean something to you. Of course, I'm not excluding the possibility that I don't do the same for others. I usually ask people out more often than not. Then again, it's a matter of perspective isn't it?

What about some people who are truly occupied, you might ask? Well, I do believe that is more often the case. However, every task should end by a certain due date right? Regardless it being 1 hour, 2 days, or 3 months or 4 years, if the relationship really means something to you, it should be no obstacle to always plan ahead. If you don't, and get swarmed with projects after projects - that is a sign of a greater trouble isn't it? Perhaps, we're not allocating enough time for ourselves to connect with others. HAHA, then again, others are also not allocating time enough to connect with you - it goes both ways.

This whole "I'm busy, let's talk again" but don't get back to you situation is a sign to let go and neither party should be at fault at that. People change, and the image we had of them will forever form that part of a memory that is irretrievable by them. However, we must also acknowledge that the person we see in front of us now, is not the same individual we knew before. Perhaps they are trying to protect our feelings, perhaps they really need some time away from you, or even forget that they have a social life. Nevertheless, I'm a big believer of the fact that if people want to do it, come hell or high water, they'll get it done.

I'm busy, but only to selective individuals.

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