There is something that has been bothering me for a long time, and that is the commodification of "care" in the form of therapy. There are some things that are sacred and emotional well-being is one of it. Therefore, I find myself increasingly bothered by the economy of "care" - from the commodification of counselling sessions, to the market of self-help books and it even extends to paying psychologists thousands for a session of therapy.
I am not denouncing that it is therefore not important to seek help when one really needs it. Neither am I proclaiming that all counsellors and psychologists are crooks. In fact, some counsellors and psychologists can bring insight to a person's darkest moments - that was how the discipline started in the first place.
However I have huge issues with people charging money for it. It almost seems like seeing a doctor - where one pays for effect. Emotions are not illness to be treated, nor sickness to be cured. They are also not puzzles to be sorted or problems to be solved. They are there because they point towards something else that affects us, and also they indicate a reaction with ourselves that result in the emotion of stress, or elation or despair. When one pays for counselling or therapy, what are we really "buying"? Are we buying hope that they can solve our problems through some previously undiscovered method?
I am afraid that we are becoming caught up with the pursuit of happiness. That being happy is the only thing and rightful thing to pursue. There is not joy without pain, and there is no appreciation of elation without a trial of tribulations. If we aim to seek to be positive, happy, and "bright" all the time, and make that it is the only thing that matters, it is hard to also experience the other "flavours" of life that bring meaning. A meaningful life does not necessarily indicate a happy life, and happiness has no value without the meanings that make it precious. Buying therapy is a source of instant gratification, wanting the result more than the process itself. It is complicated by the fact that therapy takes a long time and a person can also become reliant to it. Like an addict who requires the need to gives himself/herself the shot every time the withdrawal symptoms come. So we end up pouring millions of dollars into an economy of the pursuit of wanting to be "happy". It is an expensive addiction.
I am writing in protest of the attitude to be "happy at all costs". There is a price to happiness and we must be willing to pay that price to be happy. There are in fact happiness in the simple things, and we find greater crests of joy for every mountain we climb. Each challenge and "depression" brings a greater high. Therefore, to be REALLY happy, perhaps you need to come down to a low first. We have friends and family who will always be there to walk with us. It is also interesting that some counsellors and psychologists become our friends, and that's when they start to work their therapeutic magic. If therapists aim to only heal you because you pay, then paradoxically, these people are the least equipped to bring you to where you would like to be. These people do not seek payment, nor aim to keep you in sessions longer to increase their profit margin. They are there out of respect and care for your being. Your value is more than the dollars put into therapy, it is the value of life itself. They treasure you for the joys and pains that you bring them. So instead of pushing them away, perhaps your path to happiness is simply, to open up your heart and arms.
After all, a worry shared is a worry halved, but happiness shared is doubled. Talking to more people brings perspective, and sometimes that is really the only thing you need to lead the way out of darkness.
I’ve had issues with this post for awhile now, but I never could pinpoint exactly why.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, most people turn to counsellors or psychologists when something has gone very wrong. It has nothing to do with the pursuit of happiness and everything to do with just being okay—more of trying to climb out of the abyss rather than trying to stand at the peak of the mountain. And yeah, I totally agree with how we’re too caught up with always being all optimistic and bubbly and there’s this culture of mistaking realism as negativity, but all of that has nothing to do with people going for therapy. I just never thought of therapy as a solution and a magic pill for happiness, but rather a way to cope with some very real issues which go beyond what friends and family can help with.
Unfortunately, with the way thing are now we find ourselves needing to pay for therapy. It does make sense as a service—people often, on some level, find themselves reluctant to share their uncensored feelings and jumbled thoughts to their friends because they know that friends will worry and yeah, it can be a burden. Paying someone else to be this person allows people to unload without considering the councellor’s or psychologist’s feelings, which I would imagine is more cathartic.
I also always found the whole, you need to understand the pain of trials and tribulations to be able to appreciate happiness and be content argument rather iffy. I mean, to a certain extent sure, but it’s only necessary up to the point where it allows you to recognise when you are happy. I really don’t need to eat celery to be able to appreciate how great chocolate tastes.
Hi there, thanks for dropping by and offering your insights! I really do appreciate it.
DeleteFirstly I do concede your point regarding the need to pay for a service like the counsellors' or psychologists' because they do not want to "unload" without hurting their friends' or families' feelings. That is the point of counselling, is that we sometimes need that extra-territorial third perspective. Especially those that deal with family or marital conflict, when your own support pillar is crumbling!
I do also agree that counselling deals with very real problems, for instance addiction or abortion distress, clinical depression etc. Problems that trained individuals who dedicate their lives understanding the human psyche can help solve. Yet, from my point of view, these services should not be a paid service because I see them as important part of being human, and should thus be accessible to all. We have devised sophisticated methods to help each other, and have come far from the crying-on-the-shoulder to means testing, does not necessarily equate that such services also be subjected to capitalists commodification. What happens when we do that, is that we also price out people who cannot pay, but are instead in real problems. I also assume, that most counsellors don't do it for the money, but because of the passion they have in helping others. Hence I wrote "These people do not seek payment, nor aim to keep you in sessions longer to increase their profit margin. They are there out of respect and care for your being. Your value is more than the dollars put into therapy, it is the value of life itself."
Secondly, my post above was referring to a very disturbing trend of turning to a counsellor as a "solver" of "little" things. There is a of the growth of private counselling firms that charge exorbitant fees for counselling sessions that deal with stress (so vague?) and anxiety (of what?), or self-esteem issues (stemming from?). If the price is any indicator of happiness, it would seem in my country, we have a bunch of very unhappy rich people.
Thirdly, I guess that argument was inspired by denial of pain, where people hide their heads in the sand and pretend that everything is okay, and thus delude themselves that they are happy, when in fact things are really not going as well. And so, sometimes, I feel that when we come down "lower", we can appreciate the next step forward in our personal development, and therefore be in a better place than we were - "real happiness".