Baking Meaning

This week has been quite eventful, the haze, running around IN the haze and consequently getting sick. The skies have cleared along with my mood, and there are a lot of things to clear for today. But alas, cakes come first.

Everyone has something they turn to when they are stressed, or simply want to keep themselves occupied. Baking has always been my hobby, and while I don't profess that I'm eligible to be on Masterchef, I enjoy what I do.

From delightful meringues to sumptuous cupcakes, these days I find myself pulling out that whisk and mixing away. It should be so strange, that I never taste what I make, and due to the restrictions of my diet, I only bake to give others. It is an issue of supply and demand. I have limited supplies of cakes/meringues to give, but have too many people I want to share with. It is always a personal dilemma. Who do I give, and if I give this person, I need to also share it with others. It can also become political, when you offer some people and not others.

Then what happens when your tasty treats don't turn out the way you want them to? My strawberry buttercream always seems to collapse =( in any case, do you still give them to others? Or keep them to remind yourself of your failure. Do you throw them away? Wouldn't it be wasteful?

The process of baking is always fun and enjoyable. I find that the best time to clear my mind and think about new ideas, or sort out my thoughts. It's like when you sleep at night and your dreams are your brain's way of sorting out the day's events. It's when I finish baking, cleaning down the grease that confounds me. Decisions Decisions Decisions.

I guess because you've spent so many hours and your aching arms from all the mixing makes it hard to part with your goodies. I am always honoured when someone gives me a home-made cupcake/brownie because I understand completely what it means. Perhaps I'm just one of those people who value and takes pride in what I do, so every delicious morsel is something that I present from the bottom of my heart.

=) So...I hope you enjoy the love that I'm sharing!

(for those who didn't receive any, I am sorry but there are only a dozen, and I am afraid that you'll have to wait till next week.)

Dating: Age is but a number?

I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend a long while back (walao Xinyi, your smses have died along with your inefficient groupmates in your FYP). Why do women not date younger men? This question triggered another memory. There was a tongue-in-cheek comment that my prof made about his older wife which goes something like this,

"I was talking to my wife the other day, and told her that it would be better to marry someone younger than you...you know, men tend to die faster right? So as men, if we marry older women, means I can be with her longer. -> collective sighs from the students."

Reading up on those lifestyle commentaries about dating young men, have reaped a whole new window of insights. It is fascinating how people talk about having relationships with younger men. They range from hugely successful still-married-after-14-years-going-on-to-their-fourth-child, to huge epic horror stories of overly-insecure-and-clingy-needy-immature-boyfriends. I mean these problems occur in "normal" relationships too. Why is age such a big factor in considering life partners?

I suppose it's a matter of lifecourse. Age is indeed, but a number. While growing old is mandatory, growing up is not. There are mature young people, and childish old farts around (like my uncle). So who is to say what works and what doesn't? Why do we judge our friends who date a younger guy/older woman to be doomed to have a high chance of failing? Sometimes, we underestimate the resilience and adaptability that youth can have, that adults sometimes lack.

This is of course, in no way saying that all women should therefore start going after young blood. On the contrary, what are we really saying when we caution ourselves against going after younger partners? It is the immaturity, and the self-centeredness that we do not want. It is also the lack of patience in our partners, the assumption that we want our partners whole and "perfect" first - that drives us to say we want 'older men'. We jump to conclusions that the checklist of traits we have, are found in a younger woman/older men. While the probabilities are higher in that group, it is not an absolute necessity. We assume that with age, comes experience and therefore the rest must follow. However, there some   many scores of people who are older and the experience, but do not learn from it.


This standard.operating.procedure to find a younger woman/older men is also gender biased. A Man must be older so that he can guide his younger Wife, or even in a partnership, to be the higher one amongst equals. He holds your hand, and he will support you (financially and emotionally). Such great burdens to place on men, and unfortunately not all carry it well. The same goes for women. Not all are equally apt at playing the submissive, or are comfortable with leaving decisions to their husbands. This is of course, an oversimplification of gender roles, and we have come a long way to make things fairer for both. However, with girls preferring older partners, these gender assumptions still subtly exist. Perhaps it is time to question those assumptions.

We have individual emotional and intimate needs where only that special someone can address. That person to address your needs is not inscribed in the year he/she was born, but in the Person that he/she was, is, and will be. If a younger person is able to grow with me and love the family enough to work together, isn't that what everyone wants in a relationship? The point is that we should also be democratic in our partners, and give everyone an equal chance. We should not be dictated by whom we are taught to love, but by who we love. If we do find out that the relationship does not work out, or if the person (regardless of age) is not compatible, then that is still a lesson we can learn from to find out the people we want in our lives.

Age is but a number, yes, but does it count?

(p.s. and that, by the way, was a double entendre. Recently, I've been sprouting them on instinct, I am starting to suspect I might have an affliction not yet recorded in the DSM-V.)

(p.p.s and looking back at my [dismal] dating history, it suddenly dawned on me that I dated more younger men than not.)

You are interesting

Today seems like a good time as any to write, beautiful Saturday as it is. I wanted to blog about criticism, but my brain hasn't felt the compulsion to follow through with a cohesive line of thought such that I pen it down.

Recently, I have been hearing people say, "you're interesting!" or "what an exciting person you are!". The rush of a complement coupled with an increased sense of self-worth is wonderful. As I'm languidly enjoy these words of praise, my thoughts kicked into overdrive.

What does it mean to someone when you say they interest you, or excite you? What is it about a person that creates that excitement or interest, and is it wholly from that person?

I find it difficult to solely take credit that I created interest in the person. Well firstly, I think I'm a very average person, and whilst my tastes in music run to the very boring, I am just like every other. You must have something in you that makes you You, as much as there is something in me that makes me an I.

Taking a step back, when someone calls me interesting, I feel what they really are referring to, is a sensation that is a disconnection and a rekindling. Before I lose you, let me briefly explain. Disconnection refers a departure from the known, and the familiar, which transforms into novelty. However, what becomes exciting or interest, is a rekindling of your desires long forgotten, something you forgot you craved, and there is a sense of fascination that it has now reappeared in your reality. When a person is "interesting", the -ing is the operative part of the word.

So why bother with this academese of what is simply a mundane matter? Well, perhaps it bears remembering that since interest has an I component as much as a You, one can lose interest once it becomes familiar to oneself, or that rekindling no longer becomes a fascination. Which is why we never say "you're interesting" to our parents or long-worn friends. I also feel it is important to understand why we feel some are interesting while others are not. Perhaps the one what is not interest(Ed)ing is not him/her, but you. So do we have a responsibility to others when we also find them boring? Are we too quick to judge and jump to conclusions just because they don't excite us as they feel familiar? Have you unjustly written someone away because of your lack in will  to be interested? My point is that a person is not interesting, you have to also make an effort to become excited. For some, it is easy, but others requires patience from a diamon cutter.

Being in tune and discovering parts of a person that rekindles certain forgotten drives and areas of life is exciting to me, and hence also what makes people interesting.

Dear reader, I may never meet you or hear from you, but nevertheless I am confident you are always an interesting being to someone. Now the question is, are you also interested?